Please critique my membership sales letter..

by Carsten Hansen Hansen Tiensuu
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Home Page Forums Ask Anything Please critique my membership sales letter..

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    The sales letter is not completely finished, but the lessons are, and the´ve been send out to some trusted people who get it for $10 a month…it will be $37/mo for all others.

    Anyway…I would be happy if some of you would give me some critique on my ales letter… 🙂

    I think my lessons will give people something new..



    Trevor Dumbleton

    OK, skimmed – great start (and it’s always easier to improve something that exists) – and a few comments:

    For me, it doesn’t address the “what’s in it for me” early enough.

    Early bullet points merge on screen – bold a few important words here and there to help with that.

    Not sure why month 1 is building a buyer’s email list – I know email is important but you need to tie it in with the early claim of reliable and consistent income streams. Have I got my niche before I join you?

    Also not sure if list building, product creation, YouTube domination, membership site creation and website flipping all belong under one roof – I could probably be convinced but my quick skim didn’t reveal why.

    Purely from an operational point, make sure you diarise to change 2016 each January 1st to the next year (or use a short script or a Server side include that does it for you – drop me a message if that’s clear as mud)


    Well i might need to have a more specific niche…

    Trevor Dumbleton

    Doesn’t have to be more specific necessarily – you could phrase it so it builds up (Sean offers email training, how to do webinars, creating products, generating content & more) – especially since you’ve created the lessons.

    Just convince me in the sales letter that’s what I want (notice the word want, not need)


    So actually i must tell them why each module/month is important for the success of the buyer…

    But anyway thanks for the advice

    Trevor Dumbleton

    Sales letters are very personal things – think of them as being the salesman in the room but without the benefit of any feedback from the person you’re trying to sell to other than them clicking the buy button or not.

    They also depend on where the person is in the buying process – it’s a lot different for me coming to your sales letter “cold” than it would be if I’d been on your list for a while and knew a bit more about you.

    Near the top of a sales letter is your “hook” – you’ve got a fairly classic design of a main headline with a pre-headline before it and a sub-head after. That works nicely a lot of the time.

    To me, the modules are out of the order I’d expect but (for me) that could be solved with a pre-module about finding a niche – you’ve got the offer of that in the personal support section. If most of your potential buyers already know their niche (so maybe you’re pitching at the large group of people spinning their wheels) then that’s OK and could be in a module called support materials or similar.

    Also, so me, the flipping websites isn’t congruent with the rest of the page. But – like everything to do with this business – it could just be me & your target market may find it fits perfectly well.

    Basically the more you get in the mind of your buyer the better – think of the movie Being John Malkovich.

    All that said, the best test is sending potential buyers to the page.

    Warrior + will give you lots of stats once that starts happening.

    But remember that not all people visiting your page are equal – I get a lot higher take-up on my offers when they’re sent to my list, conversion rate usually goes down when affiliates send traffic. But if the affiliate has done a good job warming people up for the offer, they get a higher conversion rate than anyone else, even me.

    Visually, there’s quite a few walls of text. You’ve got coloured boxes but the text in them is all the same. A few bolds here and there would draw people’s attention to the parts of the bullets you most want people to read. Keep in mind that you’re one of the few people in the world who will read your sales letter word for word – most of us don’t.

    And at the end of the day, my opinion is only an opinion.

    The huge plus point is you’ve got something done – that’s excellent.

    Send some potential buyers to it from your list, from YouTube videos, etc.

    If you get a decent percentage of them paying you money, send more of them.

    If you think you could do better, test the headline first.


    I will redo my sales letter… i get the point…actually the sales copy is shitty. The hardest part is how to put in what they´ll learn every month..thanks Trevor for your insight 🙂

    Trevor Dumbleton

    No probs – and while you’re re-doing, send some of your list to it anyway. And when it’s revamped, think of an excuse to email them again.

    And you could always do what Sean’s done with his latest “watch over my shoulder” course – send them to the sales page and admit it’s a work in progress & ask for comments 🙂

    Start getting the taste for blood (or at least $$$) – I remember reading in one of Dan Kennedy’s books that if he could recall and destroy all his early tapes, he would. And he’s on some very nice money now – we all have to start somewhere.

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